Tiny Criminals
by hadesgirl015
Summary: A jutsu gone wrong shrinks about half the Akatsuki down to size of a thumb, about two inches. And the other half is in charge of watching them. What can possibly go wrong when you have irresponsible criminals looking after their shrunken partners, well a lot. Now finished.
1. The Justu

Tiny Criminals

Summary: A jutsu gone wrong shrinks about half the Akatsuki down to size of a thumb, about two inches. And the other half is in charge of watching them. What can possibly go wrong when you have irresponsible criminals looking after their shrunken partners, well a lot.

Note: Hidan will be swearing, but to a minimal bit. I feel uncomfortable using the f word but nearly every other word will probably appear.

Chapter 1: The Jutsu

The Akatsuki were gathered around the table in their base discussing an order of business.

"Tobi says he has something to share with us." Pein said.

"Yes Tobi does! Tobi developed a new jutsu!" Tobi said.

"What is this jutsu supposed to do un?" Deidara asked.

"Tobi's not sure yet." Tobi said.

"What? What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Hidan said.

"Shukushō no jutsu!" Tobi said after some hand signs. The people closest to Tobi were enveloped in smoke. When the smoke cleared Hidan, Tobi, Deidara, and Kisame were gone.

"What….did…you…do!" Pein yelled to no one in particular, considering Tobi was one of the ones gone missing.

"TOBI I AM GOING TO KILL YOU-UN!" a voice that sounded like Deidara's yelled. But it was softer. The remaining Akatsuki members looked down at the ground and saw the other four members on the ground, all about two inches tall, thankfully their clothes shrunk with them.

"Tobi is sorry Deidara!" Tobi called before running around the chair leg trying to avoid the bombs that were being thrown, which now had the explosion of a cherry bomb.

"Tobi you freaken idiot bastard. Look what you freaken did. We are freaken two inches tall! We are going to die!" Hidan screamed.

"Stop over reacting Hidan. You're immortal." Kakazu said, he bent down and picked Hidan up by pinching him between his fingers.

"HEY PUT ME THE FREAKEN HELL DOWN!" Hidan screamed.

Sasori picked up Deidara in a similar fashion but quickly dumped him on the table. "Hey watch it Sasori-danna." Itachi did the same with Kisame but more gentle. Zetsu was arguing what to do with himself.

"We should pick him up." Zetsu said. **"And eat him."**

"No! Tobi doesn't want to be eaten!" Tobi said and ran around some more.

"We can't eat him." Zetsu said. **"Of course we can, he is the perfect bite-size snack."** "No we really can't. We need to help him." **"Oh alright." **Zestu picked up Tobi and set him on the table.

Hidan was now extremely pissed off. "PUT ME DOWN, DAMMIT."

Kakazu sighed and dumped him on the table.

"No what to do with the little runts." Pein said.


	2. The Decision

Chapter 2: The Decision

Pein studied the four shrunken members, who seemed to be perfectly alright, except for the fact that they were only the size of his thumb.

"What are we going to do with them?" Itachi asked, speaking for the first time.

Pein was silent for a moment, before he made up his mind. "Those who were not shrunk have to watch their shrunken partners."

Needless to say, there were several protests on both sides.

"I don't want to watch the stupid brat!" Sasori said.

"Don't put me in charge of the stupid bastard." Kakazu said.

"Hey! Shut the hell up Kakazu! I don't want you to watch me either!" Hidan said.

"NO! TOBI DOESN'T WANT TO BE EATEN!" Tobi screamed out.

In fact the only pair that wasn't complaining was Kisame and Itachi, because they knew there was no way around it, and Itachi probably would have done it anyways.

"Enough!" Pein said.

Everyone was quite.

"Okay let's get a few things cleared first." Pein said. "Sasori, no turning Deidara into a mini puppet."

Deidara sighed in relief, and sat down on table.

"Kakazu, actually take care of Hidan, and Hidan, stop complaining, there is no getting around this." Pein said.

Kakazu and Hidan both scoffed and huffed and crossed the arms indignity.

"And Zetsu for Kami's—" Pein said.

"JASHIN!" Hidan intervened.

"sake don't try to or threaten to eat Tobi or any one for that matter." Pein continued, ignoring Hidan.

**"****Aw, why not."** "Just listen to leader." **"But I'm hungry. And they look so tasty."** Zestu said.

All the Akatsuki on the table took several steps away from Zetsu, Tobi even chose to hide behind Deidara.

Pein gave Zestu a death glare, which shut both of him up.

"No arguments." Pein said.

"Hey what about Itachi and Kisame?" Sasori said.

"They obviously have no problem with it." Pein said. "Know figure things out for yourselves." He and Konan left the room.

Itachi held his hand out and low to the table and Kisame stepped into his hand, gripping his thumb for support. Itachi walked out of the room, presumably to their room.

Hidan glared at Kakazu as the latter does the same thing Itachi did. That left Zetsu and Tobi, and Sasori and Deidara. Tobi didn't want to be picked up by Zetsu out of fear of possibly being eaten, and Sasori didn't want to pick up Deidara.

"Come here." Zestu said trying to grab Tobi, but Tobi kept dancing out of the way. But Zetsu finally managed to capture Tobi between his hands, and cupped them around so it was like Tobi was sitting in a bowl. Tobi was whimpering. "Relax I'm not going to eat you." **"Leader has forbidden it." **


	3. Sasori is a Bad Keeper

Chapter 3: Sasori is a bad keeper

So it was just Sasori and Deidara, both were staring each other, Deidara was wondering exactly what Sasori was going to do with him, while Sasori was contemplating what to do.

"Well?" Deidara asked after a minute.

"Well what brat?" Sasori said.

"What are you going to do, un?" Deidara asked.

"Just come on." Sasori said. He pinched Deidara between his thumb and index finger, rather rough.

"Ugh, not so hard Sasori-danna, that hurts, un!" Deidara said, but his cries went unheard.

Sasori brought Deidara to their room and set him down on Deidara's bed. Deidara had trouble getting good footing on the squishy surface.

Sasori completely ignored this fact and just went to work on his puppets. Deidara soon grow tired of this and started to work on a sculpture, luckily he had clay with him. This silence went on for about three hours until Deidara grew hungry. He checked the clock on the table and it read 12:30, so lunch time.

"Sasori," Deidara said, but the puppet just ignored him. "Sasori!" Again, no attention from the puppet. "Sasori dammit pay attention, un!"

"What do you want brat?" Sasori asked.

"I'm hungry, un." Deidara said.

"So go get something to eat." Sasori said.

"I would, if I could get off the bed without killing myself out the door and down to the kitchen before midnight, un." Deidara said.

Sasori sighed and picked Deidara again in the similar rough fashion.

"Come on Sasori-danna, that hurts, un!" Deidara said.

"Stop complaining brat!" Sasori said. "I don't see why you need to eat."

"Because I may be small but I still need to eat, un. You stupid puppet, I'm not a doll." Deidara said.

"Yet," Sasori said.

Deidara shivered. "You wouldn't, un. Leader-sama said you can't."

By this point they had reached the kitchen so Sasori dumped Deidara on the table. "Uff," Deidara said as he landed on the table. Hidan was there with Kakazu; both of them were eating as well, granted Hidan was eating like about 98% less than normal due to his size. Deidara walked over and sat next to Hidan, about a minute later Sasori dumped some of the food the Hidan and Kakazu were eating next to Deidara.

Deidara ate all he could and when he was done he realized that he was alone. He realized about half way through his lunch Hidan and Kakazu left, who seemed to be just dealing with the issue one hour at a time. Sasori left pretty much right after he gave Deidara his food.

"Great what am I supposed to do now?" Deidara thought to himself. He chose to sit down and wait it out. He soon grew sleepy and decided to take a nap, he curled up under a napkin and fell asleep.


	4. Where's Deidara

Chapter 4: Where's Deidara?

Pein deiced to check on everyone were to see how they were dealing with their new situations. He first stopped by Zestu and Tobi, mostly to make sure Tobi didn't become Zetsu's snack. In fact, they were doing just fine. Tobi was checking Zestu over for bugs.

Pein gave a small simile before continuing on. Hidan was checking under and in furniture for money that may have dropped there, for Kakazu and were getting along a lot better than normal.

Pein checked on Itachi and Kisame next, even though he felt he didn't need to, seeing as they were having no issues what so ever. The two of them were watching TV, Itachi on the couch, and Kisame on the coffee table.

Then he went to check on Deidara and Sasori. He found Sasori in his room working on a puppet, but he didn't see Deidara.

"Where's Deidara?" Pein asked.

"He's eating in the kitchen." Sasori said.

"Shouldn't you be in there as well?" Pein asked.

"Why, I don't eat?" Sasori said.

"But you should be watching him." Pein said. He looked at the time, it was 4:15. "When did he start eating?"

"About 12:30." Sasori said.

"It's a quarter after four. He's been 'eating' for the past three and three-quarters hours?" Pein questioned.

Sasori sighed and got up. "Insolent brat." he mumbled.

Sasori walked to the kitchen followed closely by Pein. He found it completely empty, with no sign of Deidara.

"He was right here." Sasori said.

"You have to find him." Pein said.

"Why do I have to find him?" Sasori said.

"Because you are supposed to be in charge of him." Pein said. "You are acting like you're the victim here Sasori and it is getting very tiring. Even Hidan and Kakazu who are normally at each other's throats 23 out of the 24 hours in the day are making the best of this situation." Sasori just stared at Pein. "If anyone has a right to complain it is Deidara, because it seems he has the worst watcher out of every one here."

Sasori now felt a little guilty, just than Itachi came into the kitchen to get a glass of water.

"Itachi have you seen Deidara?" Pein asked.

"No." Itachi said.

"Well, do you know who cleaned off the table, possibly around 1:00 or so?" Sasori asked.

"I did. It was covered in trash." Itachi said.

"And what did you do?" Pein asked.

"What do you think, I put it in the trash can." Itachi said and walked out of the room.

Sasori went over to the trash can and started to shift through it, until he found the tiny bomber. He was curled in a ball looking like he was either about to cry or had already cried a bit. Sasori did his best to cup his hands underneath Deidara and slowly lift him up. He carefully put him on the table.

"Deidara, are you alright?" Sasori asked.

Deidara sat up with a wince, he was obviously in pain. "No-un."

"Sasori, I don't believe you are the best choice to watch Deidara." Pein said.

"Huh?" Sasori asked.

"I'm going to get someone else to look after him. After Kakazu looks him over. He is obviously injured." Pein said. He gently picked Deidara up by the back hem of his cloak and set him in the palm of his other hand. He then turned around and headed out the door to locate Kakazu.

Sasori sighed and sat down, putting his face in his hands. Pein was right, he should have been taking better care of Deidara. Than a thought hit Sasori, Deidara was only 19, so young, barely an adult, and Sasori was neglecting him and possibly injuring him.


	5. The Check Over

Chapter 5: The Check Over

Pein carried Deidara as gently as he could but every so often he would wince in pain, since he didn't want to moan and have Leader think he was weak. Pein found Kakazu in his room with Hidan, they seemed to be counting money now.

"Kakazu." Pein said

"Yes, what is it Leader?" Kakazu asked.

"I need you to check over Deidara." Pein said. "He is obviously in pain."

"Okay set him on the table." Kakazu said. Pein gently set Deidara on the handkerchief on the table and Kakazu took out a bunch of tools, including a magnify glass. "Hidan would you help undress Deidara so I could have a better look?"

"Yeah, whatever." Hidan said. He approached Deidara, and slowly took off his cloak, earning a painful moan from him. "Are you okay Deidara?"

"No." Deidara groaned. It was getting harder to breathe.

"Deidara, we are trying to help you. Can you help by raising your arm?" Kakazu asked.

Deidara didn't move.

"Come on shitbag we are trying to help you." Hidan said.

Again Deidara didn't move. Hidan looked at Deidara closer. "I think he passed out."

So as carefully as he could Hidan took off Deidara's shirt and stepped back so Kakazu could examine him.

But after Hidan stepped back and took a look at the same time Kakazu the both gasped at the same time. Taking up his entire sides were massive bruises. Kakazu took a closer look, on both sides the frowned.

"So?" Pein asked.

"Both his sides are bruised. It seems he has at least two broken ribs on each side making it hard for him to breathe." Kakazu said.

"How does it appear that he got them?" Pein asked.

"From being pinched on both sides very rough would start it. The ribs were possibly fractured from being dropped in his already injured state. Any idea as to what happened." Kakazu said.

"Sasori." Pein said.

"What did that bastard of a puppet do?" Hidan asked.

"He's not taking this very well, it appears that whenever he carries Deidara he pinches his sides to hard. Then he left him on the table after lunch. Itachi didn't notice him and accidently swept him into the trash can." Pein said.

"That would do it." Kakazu said. He brought out some tools, including tweezers, some sort of salve and, some gauze. "I'm going to have to pop his ribs back into place. Hidan can you hold his shoulders down?"

"Yeah, sure thing. Can't have the little bastard die." Hidan said. Hidan got down on his hands and knees, pinning Deidara's shoulders to the table.

Kakazu positioned the tweezers and did some complicated pulls, during which Deidara nearly convulsed after every time.

"There his ribs are back in place. This salve will help with the bruising, pain, and healing the breaks." Kakazu said. He set the container next to Deidara and Hidan and brought out a Q-tip. He started to gently rub the salve on Deidara's sides. After that was done he took a thin piece of gauze and set it down next to Hidan.

"Can you wrap this around Deidara for me Hidan, I don't want to hurt him further." Kakazu said.

"Sure thing shithead." Hidan said. Kakazu rolled his eyes at his partners language. Hidan carefully wrapped Deidara up, loose enough to breathe, but tight enough to keep his ribs from getting knocked back out of place.

"There, he should be good now." Kakazu said.

"Will he be alright?" Pein asked.

"He should be, if we waited any longer he could have died." Kakazu said.

"What, why?" Pein asked.

"His ribs would have kept moving until they punctured his lungs." Hidan said.

"What Deidara needs know is lots of rest and someone to actually care for him." Kakazu said,

"I think Itachi might be the best bet, considering, so far he seems to be doing the best with Kisame." Pein said.

"Do you forget that Itachi and Deidara don't get along very well?" Kakazu said.

"Well, I wouldn't trust Zetsu with him, hell I barely trust him with Tobi. And you and Hidan seem to be barely getting along, who else could possibly be put in charge of him?" Pein said.

"Well you obviously can't put him back under Sasori's care. That little bastard was one who did this to him." Hidan said.

"So that is why Itachi will be the one." Pein said. He gently picked up the handkerchief, then used his hand to support the bottom of it to support it, before heading out to find Itachi.


	6. Chili from Hell

Chapter 6: Chili from Hell

Pein found Itachi and Kisame where they were before, watching TV. "Itachi."

"What is it Leader-sama?" Itachi asked.

"I need you to look after Deidara. Sasori severally injured him by pinching his sides and was put over the edge when you accidently put him in the trashcan when cleaning the table. You seem to be the best person to watch over him." Pein said.

"Alight." Itachi said. "How about you set him next to Kisame."

Pein did so and walked away.

"He does appear to be in bad shape." Kisame said. "The poor kid."

Itachi realized that Kisame was right, Deidara was just a kid, only a few years older than Sasuke.

"I hope Sasori is going to be alight." Kisame said. "Leader might end up killing him."

Now in the kitchen Zetsu was cooking supper for everyone tonight. He decided to make some chili. Tobi was watching him and well, being Tobi, he was asking way to many questions, none of which Zetsu felt like answering.

"What are you making Zetsu-san?" Tobi asked.

"Tobi, that is the tenth time you asked." Zetsu said. **"Ask again and it will be you."**

Tobi let out a scream and got as far away as he could from Zestu, which wasn't very far because he was just on the small counter by the stove.

Zetsu grabbed a spoon and took a bite of the mysterious context of the pot. "Needs something." **"Blood"** "Well yes, but then no one would eat it but us." **"Cumin." **"Yeah." Zestu walked away to the pantry to get some.

Tobi's curiosity got the better of him.Since the stove have an over hanger for a small light and fan, Tobi used his chakra to climb the wall then to walk upside on the over hang until he was above the pot. "Oh that looks good." Tobi said. But unfortunately Tobi lost his concentration and fell, right into the pot of rather warm chili. "Uph, help! Zetsu-san!" Tobi called, but chili got under his mask and into his mouth.

Zetsu came back but didn't notice Tobi in the chili, he put a few dashes of cumin in the pot and started to stir. In the midst of Tobi's panic he tried to grab the spoon but it was hard since the rotation was making him move.

Zetsu tried the chili again with a spoon. "Hm, that's good now." **"Everyone the food is ready."**

Zetsu moved the pot over to the table with several bowls as the other Akatsuki members came in.

Itachi came in with Kisame, Kakazu with Hidan, Pein and Konan. They all sat down.

"Deidara still asleep?" Pein asked.

"Yeah, I figured it will be best to let him rest." Itachi said.

"Sasori?" Hidan asked. To be honest he kind of wanted to do everything he could to make the little puppet suffer.

"Obviously not coming to dinner seeing as he never eats." Kakazu said.

"Hey shut the hell up Kakazu." Hidan retorted. Kakazu was about to smack his partner, before remembering that Hidan was two inches tall and would fly across the room, and even though Hidan was immortal, Pein would defiantly have his head, if not one of his hearts.

"Where is Tobi?" Konan asked.

"He seemed to scamper off somewhere." Zetsu said. **"I turned around for a second and he was gone."** "I'm sure he will turn up perfectly alright. It is Tobi after all."

Zetsu started spooning out chili to everyone. Unknown to him, Tobi ended up in the ladleful he served to Kakazu.

Kakazu was about to pick up a spoonful when he noticed a lump in his chili, one that did not look like beans or ground beef. "What is this?"

"Chili." Zetsu said. **"Dumbbutt what do you think it is?"**

Kakazu picked up the lump with his spoon and it moved. "It's moving."

"Huh," asked nearly everyone, Zetsu just went on eating.

Kakazu dumped the lump into a glass of water on the table. The lump got cleaned off to reveal Tobi.

"ZETSU I SAID NO EATING TOBI!" Pein yelled.

"I didn't know he was in there." Zetsu said. **"He must have fallen in when I went to get the cumin." **

Kakazu used his spoon to fish Tobi out of the glass. After Tobi and finished coughing and spluttering he looked up and said, "Tobi doesn't like chili. Chili is from hell." He fell over, supposedly asleep.

Pein stared at Zetsu.

"I did nothing wrong." Zetsu said. **"It was his own fault he fell into the chili."**

"I'm not saying anything." Pein said still staring at Zetsu.

"Fine I'm sorry." Zetsu said. "**Why are you apologizing? We did nothing wrong." **"But just look at the way Leader-san is staring at us." **"Ignore him, like I said we did nothing and he said he's not saying anything." **"What should we do with Tobi?" **"Perhaps,"** "Can't eat him." **"Fine, let's just put him in the room, maybe in jar so he won't get in anymore trouble." **

As Zestu walked out with Tobi Pein called out, "No jar!"

Everyone was silent for a moment before starting to eat. It was good, even though it had Tobi in it.


	7. Nightmare

A/N I feel like before this chapter I should explain something. The Akatsuki have to share a room with their partner. They sleep in separate beds and none of them are in a relationship with each other.

Chapter 7: Nightmare

After supper Itachi and Kisame went back to their room check on Deidara, who was still asleep in the middle of Kisame's bed.

"Can you set me down next to him?" Kisame asked.

Itachi complied before going over to his own bed to sit down and read.

Kisame studied Deidara closely. He we still shirtless, because Kakazu and Hidan didn't want to accidently hurt him. Just barely see from under the bandage wrap was the mouth on Deidara's chest. Kisame lightly grabbed Deidara's arms one at a time to look at the mouths on his hands.

Those always interested Kisame, he very often wondered how he got them. He heard Deidara moan a little. "I think he's in pain." Kisame said.

Deidara was actually having a nightmare. First was the very unpleasant memory of how he got the mouths on his hands and chest. He was only five, and his father was experimenting a new jutsu on him. It seemed to be going well until there was searing pain in his hands and chest. When Deidara came to the next day he saw that he had his extra mouths, and his father was dead.

But then the nightmare changed. Deidara was in his current two inch state standing on the ground. The next thing he knew, Sasori was towering over him.

"Sasori-danna?" Deidara questioned.

Sasori said nothing but stooped down and roughly picked Deidara up. He set him down on the table pining him with tape.

"Sasori-danna, what are you doing, un?" Deidara asked.

Again Sasori said nothing but brought out tools. Deidara eyes widened as he recognized the tools. They were the tools Sasori used when making puppets out of people.

"No please Sasori, un. Don't!" Deidara said. "You promised, un."

Kisame heard Deidara start to talk in his sleep. "No, please. Don't."

"I think he's have a nightmare." Kisame said. He lightly gripped Deidara's shoulder and shook it. "Deidara, wake up, it's only a nightmare."

"No, no." Deidara moaned.

"Deidara wake up!" Kisame said.

Deidara woke up, breathing heavy, but also unfortunately he shot up, causing him a lot of pain due to his ribs. 

"Uhg." Deidara moaned before lying back down. "It feels like I was run over by a truck, un."

"You'll be okay now." Kisame said.

"Wait, Kisame, what are you doing here, un? Where am I?" Deidara asked.

"Leader put you under Itachi's watch considering it was Sasori who did this to you." Kisame said.

"WAIT!" Deidara was set into a panic, was his nightmare real? "WHAT, WHAT DID HE DO TO ME, UN!"'

"Calm down. You shouldn't over exert yourself." Itachi said. "Your sides are badly bruised and you have two broken ribs on each side."

Deidara took several deep breaths to calm himself.

"It seemed like you were having quite the nightmare." Kisame said. "What was it about?"

"It was first just a painful memory. But then… it turned into…into Sasori…. turning me into a …a puppet, un." Deidara said.

Itachi and Kisame were both stunned into silence. Kisame grabbed Deidara's hand in a comforting way. "It will be okay." Kisame said. "We will make sure nothing happens to you."

"Just lay back and rest." Itachi said. "Are hungry?"

"I guess, un." Deidara said.

"I'll see what I can get for you." Itachi said, and left the room.

Deidara had a thoughtful expression on his face. Kisame noticed this, "What are you thinking about?" He sat down next to Deidara

"I thought Itachi hated me." Deidara said. "Why is he being so nice, un?"

"Well, first off I think Itachi only hates a few people, and you are not included in there. And why is he being so nice, well, Leader is kind of making him watch you." Kisame said.

"Hm, strange, un." Deidara said.

Kisame shrugged his shoulders. The two shrunken laid and sat there in silence for another minute until Itachi came in with what seemed to be a bowl of broth.

"Kisame, can you help hold Deidara up?" Itachi asked. Kisame carefully sat Deidara up and helped support him, while Itachi slowly feed him.

"Thanks, un." Deidara said. "I'm rather tired right now."

Kisame helped lay him back down, "Get some sleep Deidara, you will heal faster than if you stay up." Deidara didn't have to be told twice, he was asleep in seconds.

"I'm going to sleep too." Kisame said. He walked a good food, which was equivalent to about six feet to fall asleep.

Itachi went to his own bed. "I just hope he doesn't get any more nightmares."


	8. Vacuum of Death

Chapter 8: Vacuum of Death

During the night Deidara had three more nightmares, only waking Kisame and Itachi on the last one. The next morning Deidara woke up to hear Itachi and Kisame in the midst of a conversation.

"I don't see why you won't tell anyone." Kisame said.

"Can't you see Kisame, I can't. If I tell them of this, they may find out other stuff I wish to keep secret." Itachi said.

"They will find out eventually." Kisame said. "Already you are on five different medicines, coughing up blood bimonthly, and going blind!"

Deidara wondered what he was talking about. Itachi looked perfectly fine. Deidara attempted to sit up but searing pain just shot through his chest.

"Deidara!" Kisame said, and came over to him. "You really shouldn't be trying stuff like this. You'll just hurt your ribs even more."

"I'm fine." Deidara said. "But what's wrong with Itachi?"

"Nothing." Itachi said in a somewhat angry tone. Switching on his sharingan on so Deidara quickly averted his eyes not wishing to be caught in any genjutsu. He however did not see the blood that started coming from his eyes.

Back in the living room Pein was assigning the chores, yes chores, to the normal sized members currently present.

"Zetsu, I want you to go clean the kitchen and bathrooms." Pein said, "Be careful with Tobi, don't let him fall in the toilet or anything."

"Okay." Zetsu said, leaving the room with Tobi on his shoulder.

"Sasori," Pein stopped to glare at the puppet. "Go to the store to get the stuff on this list, only this list!" he handed the list to him and small wad of money, and Sasori left with a huff.

"Kakazu vacuum, the base." Pein finished off. When Itachi shows up tell him he is in charge of laundry and lunch."

"Okay." Kakazu said. He set Hidan down on the coffee table and left to the closet to get the vacuum cleaner.

Hidan was sitting on the table, minding his own business, trying to figure out who and how he can sacrifice to Jashin when a sound nearly made him go deaf. In fact the sound surprised him so much that he fell off the table. Luckily it was a short table, only about two feet high, which would by about twelve feet, so it didn't hurt much, especially since he is immortal.

For a while Hidan just laid there, thinking on what to do. But suddenly the noise got louder, and louder. Hidan looked up and saw that the vacuum was a three feet away.

"Oh, shit." Hidan said, he got up and ran as fast as he could. Unfortunately he was not fast enough, the vacuum had caught up to him. The vacuum had sucked him up first blowing him around and around until the vacuum was shut off and Hidan landed with a thud to the bottom of the vacuum bag.

"Great, just freaken Jashin dammit, great." Hidan let out his frustration. The place was full of dust and dirt. "Luckily I'm immortal now so I don't have to worry about that."

Kakazu meanwhile was wondering where Hidan disappeared to. He wasn't on the table where he left him. He wasn't in the kitchen sacrificing a mouse or something to his stupid god. Where could he possibly be? He was about to give up, but as he was putting the vacuum away he heard muffled yelling.

"KAKAZU YOU BAG OF SHIT! WHERE IN JASHIN'S NAME ARE YOU!" Hidan yelled.

"Hidan?" Kakazu asked.

"No, the nine-tail jinchuuriki," Hidan replied in a sarcastic manner. "Of course it's me you bastard!"

"Where are you?" Kakazu asked.

"Your mother," Hidan said. "The vacuum cleaner! Where the freaken hell else!"

"The vacuum cleaner?" Kakazu repeated.

"YES! YOU VACUUMED ME UP!" Hidan yelled, he was pissed now.

"How do we get you out?" Kakazu asked.

"How the hell am I supposed to know!" Hidan said.

"Well you are the one in there." Kakazu said.

"JUST GET ME OUT OF THIS VACUUM CLEANER OF DEATH!" Hidan yelled.

"Your immortal, you can't die." Kakazu said. "It looks like I'm going to have to take the vacuum apart."

Half an hour of very dirty work, and the vacuum cleaner was open and a very dirty Hidan was out, proving he had even a dirty mouth than mess the vacuum left.

Kakazu spent the next fifteen minutes putting the vacuum back together and listening to Hidan rant. Finally the vacuum was back together and Kakazu moved Hidan to a safe spot, before vacuuming up the dirt that fell out when he took the vacuum apart.

"No one needs to know about this." Kakazu said.

"Agreed, that was embarrassing." Hidan said.


	9. Revenge

Chapter 9: Revenge

Two weeks past with surprisingly no more complications, Tobi didn't get cooked again, and Hidan didn't get cleaned up. Deidara was still under watch by Itachi, nearly healed, but still head regular nightmares. Sasori was still getting glares every so often.

One morning Deidara woke up and sat up with no pain. He smiled and stood, shakily because he hadn't really stood since he was injured, and walking on a bed still felt rather weird.

Itachi saw this and came over. "Feeling better I suppose?"

"Much, thanks, un." Deidara said.

"We better have Kakazu check, just in case." Kisame said.

Itachi laid his hand down, palm up, on the bed and Kisame and Deidara walked on. Deidara not used to having to keep his balance while being carried, fell over in Itachi's hand. Itachi gave a small smirk and Kisame smiled and sat down with him.

Itachi knocked on the door with his free hand once they reached the door to Kakazu and Hidan's room.

Kakazu opened the door, "Yes?"

"Deidara says he feels better, but can you check to make sure?" Itachi asked.

"Put him on the table." Kakazu said.

Hidan who was on the table as well walked over to him.

"So you little bastard, feeling better?" Hidan asked.

"Yes, thank you Hidan, un." Deidara said, ignoring Hidan's mouth.

Kakazu handed Hidan a small x-acto blade. "Please cut the gauze."

"Be careful, un." Deidara said. Hidan very carefully cut the gauze and started to un-wrap. Kakazu brought out a magnify glass and looked at Deidara's sides.

"You seem to be fine." Kakazu said. He gently pushed on Deidara's sides. "Does that hurt?"

"No, not at all, un" Deidara said.

"He seems to be completely healed, but it is always easier to re-break bones." Kakazu said.

"So don't do what Sasori did." Itachi said. "Got it." He held out his hand and Deidara got back on.

Itachi started to walk towards the kitchen passing a certain puppet master along the way.

Itachi and Kisame glared and Sasori ignored them. Deidara didn't know what to do. True Sasori hurt him so bad he nearly killed him, but he was still his partner. Okay maybe Deidara did want some form of revenge but how?

Itachi had just reached the kitchen and set Kisame and Deidara on the table when Deidara got his idea. He grew a smirk on his face. Kisame saw this and raised an eyebrow.

"Deidara, what's that smirk on your face. I'm trying to decide if I like it or not." Kisame said.

"Oh, just coming up with a plan for revenge, un." Deidara said.

"Oh dear Kami." Kisame said. "Can I help?"

"No, I need to do this by myself, but I need Itachi's help, un." Deidara said.

"What do you need?" Itachi asked coming over with food.

"I need some of my clay; lots of it, un." Deidara said.

"Where do you keep it?" Itachi asked.

"In my room, in the big bucket by my bed, un." Deidara said.

"Okay, I'll be right back." Itachi said, and turned to walk off.

"Don't kill Sasori, I will get him back myself, un!" Deidara called after Itachi.

Itachi came in later and put down to big sack, well Deidara's normal size satchels, down next to Deidara.

"This enough?" Itachi asked.

"Perfect, un." Deidara said. "Was Sasori in the room?"

"Yes but I think he was about to leave." Itachi said.

"Can you take me there, un?" Deidara asked.

"Is this a plan for revenge?" Itachi asked.

"Precisely, un." Deidara said.

Itachi carried the sacks of clay over each shoulder and carried Kisame and Deidara in one hand and left for Sasori and used to be Deidara's room. They found it empty. "Perfect, un!" Deidara said. "Could you set me on the table and give me my clay, un?"

Itachi did just that, still curious as to what Deidara was going to do. What Deidara did was precisely this. First since he was small he could easily find all the week points of the puppets that were around the room, and put a good amount of clay in each spot. Then he proceeded to in huge letters plaster the words 'real art' on the wall beside Sasori's unused bed.

"When he comes back in here I'll blow it up, un!" Deidara said.

"Pretty well thought out." Kisame said.

"Now let's get out of here before Sasori gets back here, un." Deidara said

Itachi left the room with Kisame and Deidara in hand, and the unused clay in the pouch over one shoulder.

The three of them were now just sitting on the couch in the main room watching T.V., well Deidara and Kisame were sitting on the coffee table while Itachi was on the coach. But at that moment they heard a yell.

"DEIDARA!"

"Sasori must have seen the room." Itachi said.

Deidara smirked, and preformed the hand sign and blew up the clay. A loud explosion was heard throughout the base.

Kisame and Itachi had to stifle a laugh, while Deidara did no such thing he let his laughter out.

A moment later a very singed Sasori came into the room, looking pissed, or as pissed as a puppet missing a jaw could.

"Missing something Sasori?" Kisame said.

Sasori glared, "'on't 'art wi' me."

"Huh, couldn't understand you there Sasori, un." Deidara said.

Sasori glared some more, before using chakra strings and attaching them to Deidara. Deidara had a look of panic on his face.

Sasori pulled Deidara over.

"Sasori put Deidara back on the table gently." Itachi said. Sasori glared, but did what Itachi said. He then left the room presumably to go fix his jaw.

"Thanks, un." Deidara said walking over to stand as close as he could to Itachi.


	10. Sick

Chapter 10: Sick

Deidara, Kisame and Itachi went back to watching T.V. and they weren't bothered for an hour. It was in fact, it was all going smoothly until Itachi started coughing.

Deidara didn't think anything about it until something sticky and wet hit his back.

Deidara looked around and saw that Itachi was coughing up blood. "Itachi?"

He seemed to be in a huge coughing fit, one hand covering his mouth, blood dripping through, and the other gripping his chest.

Deidara looked over to Kisame who also had some of Itachi's blood on him. Finally the coughing fit seemed to end.

"Itachi are you okay, un?" Deidara asked.

"Yeah, fine." Itachi sighed, wiping the blood on his cloak.

"Itachi stop lying to others and yourself." Kisame said, sounding slightly angry.

But Itachi said nothing.

"Fine if you won't tell him I will!" Kisame said. "You can't hide it from Deidara anymore, you just coughed blood all over him."

"What is going on, un?" Deidara asked.

"Itachi is sick. We are not really sure with what but it is bad." Kisame said.

"How bad, un?" Deidara asked.

"So bad he has to take five different medicines to keep him alive. Coughing up blood is a regular occurrence, accompanied by chest pain." Kisame said.

"That sounds," Deidara started, then paused to think of the right word, "horrible, un."

Itachi leaned back against the couch.

"Is there any way to help, un?" Deidara asked.

"No," Itachi said. "There is nothing anybody can do."

"Well," Kisame said. "That was somber."

"Agree, un." Deidara said.

"You guys want something to eat?" Itachi asked.

"Sure, un." Deidara said.

Itachi held out his hand that was not covered with blood out for Kisame and Deidara to climb on, and they headed into the kitchen to get something to eat.

Hidan and Kakazu were also in the kitchen, and it was really peaceful until Zetsu came in with Tobi, and Tobi was screaming at the top of his lungs.


	11. The Tabels have Turned

Chapter 11: Tables Have Turned

The kitchen was really peaceful until Zetsu came in with Tobi, and Tobi was screaming at the top of his lungs.

"Tobi found the reversal jutsu!" Tobi said.

"What!" Kisame said.

"What the hell did the bastard say?" Hidan asked.

"Tobi found the jutsu to turn us back to normal!" Tobi said.

"We should probably get the others, Leader, Konan, and Sasori." Kisame said.

"So Itachi, want to get the others?" Kakazu said.

"Fine." Itachi said, and left to go get the remaining members.

Pein and Konan walked in a minute later closely followed by Itachi dragging Deidara, whose jaw was now fixed but still looked pretty pissed, possibly because he was being dragged by the back of his cloak.

Tobi preformed the new jutsu, and there was another cloud of smoke. Tobi, Deidara, Kisame and Hidan were now back to their normal size.

"Good." Pein said. But…..

"Oh, great." Zetsu said in a sarcastic tone. **"I guess it's our turn now."**

Zetsu, Itachi, Kakazu and Sasori were now all about two inches tall.

"Okay same as last time." Pein said. "Kisame watch Itachi, Hidan watch Kakazu, Tobi watch Zetsu, and Deidara watch Sasori."

Kisame and Hidan shrugged, and held out their hands for their partners to step into and walked out of the room.

Zetsu was slightly nervous, due to the fact that Tobi had the responsibility of a five year old, if that.

And for the first time in his life, in recent memory, Sasori was scared out of his mind. He had treated Deidara so poorly and now was the perfect time for Deidara to do exactly the same thing. 'But I'm a puppet, he can't really hurt me, can he?' Sasori asked himself. 'But he can damage my puppet to the point that I can't control it. And since my other puppets are broken, I can't do anything about it.

"Wait a second." Sasori said.

"No complaining Sasori." Pein said.

Deidara held out his hand, but when Sasori didn't step into it, he had to use his other hand to push Sasori into it. Sasori had several good reasons as to not wanting to step into Deidara's hand, the mouths on his hands for one thing, then the fact he didn't want Deidara to harm him for revenge. After Sasori was in Deidara's hand he tried his best to not lose his balance, and avoid the mouth on his hand.

Deidara walked into the room he shared with Sasori and saw exactly what damage was done to the room. Parts of broken puppets were all gathered into a corner, and there was a new window, well a hole in the wall, well, three fourths of the wall by what used to be Sasori's bed was now gone. Deidara gave a satisfied smirk, that should do with my revenge.

Not knowing what else to do, Deidara set Sasori on his desk and started to look around to see what survived the explosion. It seemed the only thing that did was Deidara's side of the room and some of Sasori's tool.

"Hm." Deidara said. He looked over to Sasori and was surprised to see that Sasori was practically trembling. "What's wrong Sasori-danna, un?"

"Just go ahead and do it." Sasori said.

"Do what, un?" Deidara asked.

"Whatever it is you're going to do to me!" Sasori said.

Deidara stared at his shrunken puppet partner who was cowering in fear. "Sasori-danna, I'm not going to hurt you, un."

"Why not?" Sasori asked. "Don't you want your revenge? I nearly killed you!"

"Sasori, I pretty much destroyed the rest of your puppets and your wall." Deidara said. "Honestly what more could I do, un?"

Sasori stared in amazement. This boy, was a bigger man than he was, and that was not because Sasori was two inches now.

"Do you need anything?" Deidara asked.

"No, I'm fine." Sasori said, and just watched as Deidara started to mold some clay.


	12. Bunny of Doom!

Chapter 12: Bunny of Doom!

"What does Zetsu-san want to do first?" Tobi asked.

"I need to check on my garden." Zetsu said. **"Take me there now!"**

"Okay Zetsu-san, Tobi will take you to your garden." Tobi said. Tobi ran out of the room, leaving Zetsu on the ground.

**"Idiot."** Zetsu said. "Indeed."

Tobi came back in the room. "Oops." He bent down and Zetsu climbed into his hand and was brought outside. It was very nice outside. The weather was perfect.

"Just set me by the carrots." Zetsu said. Tobi complied before going to sit under the tree for what looked like a pleasant nap.

Zetsu was calmly checking over all his plants for about fifteen minutes, until he felt like someone was watching him. He, or is it they, whatever, turned around and saw a rabbit. Zetsu didn't mind rabbits, they helped keep the weeds down and the bugs to a degree.

"Hi there rabbit." Zetsu said.

The rabbit approached Zetsu and sniffed him. Zetsu stretched out his white hand to touch the rabbit's nose. The rabbit sniffed some more, especially around his plant. Then with no warning whatsoever the rabbit started munching on his plant.

"Hey, stop that." Zetsu said. **"I'll murder you!"** The rabbit didn't stop.

"TOBI!" Zetsu said. "HELP ME!"

"Huh?" Tobi murmured sleepily.

**"TOBI GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE AND HELP ME!" **Zetsu said. Zestu tried to run away but the rabbit wouldn't leave him alone.

Tobi got up lazily and walked over to Zetsu. "Oh, Zetsu-san you made a friend!"

"Get it away!" Zetsu said.

"But Zetsu-san it's so cute!" Tobi said.

"Tobi it's eating me!" Zetsu said.

"Aw, what could a cute little bunny rabbit do to harm you?" Tobi said.

Zetsu was still trying to get away from the bunny of doom.

Tobi picked up the rabbit and since Zetsu was still in the rabbit's mouth he was carried up as well. "Gah," **"Tobi get me away from that damn rodent!" **Zetsu said. "Leporidae." The white side corrected. "**WHAT!?" **"Well rabbits aren't rodents, they were reclassified into 'leporidae.'" **"Whatever the hell it is, it is eating us!"**

Tobi held the rabbit close to him and managed to pull Zetsu out of its mouth, ripping a good chunk of his plant off in the process. Tobi put Zetsu on his should and held the rabbit, petting it. "What a cute little bunny. Tobi wants to keep the bunny."

"NO TOBI!" said both Zetsus at the same time.

"Aw, why not?" Tobi asked. "Tobi loves his little bunny."

"**Because it is a bunny of** **doom!"** Zetsu said.

"Tobi will ask leader-sama if Tobi can keep the bunny." Tobi said.

Long story short, Peanut the bunny-rabbit will be staying for a long while.


	13. Not a Pool

Chapter 13: Not a Pool

"I don't see why I have to clean the bathrooms." Kisame complained.

"Didn't you try to eat Tobi's rabbit?" Itachi asked.

"How was I supposed to know Tobi got a pet?" Kisame said. Kisame was currently cleaning the shower in one of the rooms. Unfortunately the room was Kakazu and Hidan's so there was a lot of blood from Hidan's bloody sacrifices.

"Ug, why is there so much blood." Kisame said. "You would think it would all run down the drain."

Itachi was currently sitting on top of the toilet, just thinking, as there was nothing better to do. Itachi was thinking about Sasuke, he knew he would be coming after him soon enough. He just had to stay alive long enough to fight him. Then it hit him.

"Oh, shit." Itachi said.

"What?" Kisame asked, not really paying attention due to concentrating on getting the blood stains off the wall. How did it even get up that high?

"My medicine." Itachi said.

"What about it?" Kisame asked.

"How the hell am I supposed to take it when I am this size!" Itachi said, a little panicked.

"We'll figure something out." Kisame said.

"We may not have that long." Itachi murmured.

"I'll go get it, see if I can figure something out." Kisame said and left the room, leaving Itachi sitting on the top of the toilet.

But before Kisame returned Itachi was launched into a horrible coughing fit. So bad in fact that he fell off the ledge he was sitting on, and somehow he fell into the toilet bowl.

Due to the fact that Itachi was currently busy coughing his lungs out, his chakra control was slightly messed up, so he was instead about waist deep in the water instead of standing on it.

When Itachi's fit finished, he wanted to rest, but had to figure out how to get out of the toilet first, but unfortunately, at that moment Hidan came into the restroom, and was about to use the toilet.

But luckily before he had a chance to relieve himself he noticed a black spot in the toiet. "Gross, feaken shit, a spider." Hidan said.

Itachi was about to protest, but before he could, Hidan pushed the flusher and Itachi was flushed down the toilet.

If he was able to, Itachi probably would have screamed, between the swirling whirlpool and rushing through the pipes would make even the braves thrill seeker want to cry for his mommy.

Luckily for Itachi, or maybe not so lucky, right before he ran out of air, which was not much due to his bad lungs, he arrived in the Akatsuki's own septic tank outside the base. Needless to say, it was not pleasant in the tank, due to all the human waste.

"How do I get out of here?"Itachi said. He knew it would be suicide to try to use a fire jutsu because the fire would just light the natural gas in the tank, and he very well couldn't wait very long, due to needing his medicine, and the natural toxic waste couldn't be good for his lungs either. "Kisame just needs to hurry up."

Meanwhile, Kisame was reentering the bathroom just after Hidan finished up. He looked on the toilet lid, and found that Itachi wasn't there.

"Where's Itachi?" Kisame asked.

"How the hell should I know where the bastard is?" Hidan asked. "Shouldn't you be watching him?"

"I left for two minutes, he was sitting on the toilet lid." Kisame said.

"Shit, could he have fallen in. There was something in the freaken water before I used it." Hidan said.

"What did you do?" Kisame said.

"The little son of a bitch looked like a spider, I flushed it." Hidan said.

"YOU FLUSHED ITACHI DOWN THE TOILET!" Kisame said. Luckily Kisame was one of the few who knew where the drains led. He ran out the door and outside towards the septic tank.

Kisame opened the septic tank and found Itachi treading the disgusting water.

"About time." Itachi said.

Kisame used the net sitting next to the tank and fished Itachi out.

"Are you okay?" Kisame asked.

"No," Itachi said, "And in case you are wondering the septic tank is not a pool." Before he passed out.

"Damn, Leader is going to kill me." Kisame said, bringing Itachi inside. Kisame went to Kakazu to see if he could help Itachi.

Hidan was currently arguing with his shrunken partner, Kakazu, about what Itachi didn't care to know.

"Kakazu, can you look over Itachi?" Kisame asked setting him next to the other shrunken member.

Kakazu looked over Itachi. "This is not good."

"What?" Kisame said.

"He seems to have an IRD." Kakazu said.

"What the hell Kakazu. Speak freaken English." Hidan said.

"He has an Immune and Repertory Disorder." Kakazu said.

"Yeah, but did getting flushed mess with him?" Kisame asked.

"He got flushed down the toilet?" Kakazu asked.

"Hidan's fault." Kisame said.

"Jashin dammit, mind your own freaken business fishboy." Hidan said.

"He needs a medical ninja. There is nothing I can do." Kakazu said.

"Thanks." Kisame said, he gently grabbed Itachi, "I'm sorry Itachi. I have to tell Leader about your illness."


	14. Evil Bird

Chapter 14: Evil Bird

"And that's what happened." Kisame explained to Pein.

"We need to find a skilled medical ninja to heal him right away. I'll get on that right away. Right now, I guess try to make him as comfortable as possible." Pein said and walked out.

"Right," Kisame said.

Meanwhile, in Deidara and Sasori's room, if you could call it that, Deidara had fallen asleep, laying in head in his arms on the table. Sasori was lost in thought, which was more of his version of sleep since he was a puppet.

"No," Deidara moaned.

Sasori was brought out of his thoughts.

"Danna, no, you said you wouldn't." Deidara moaned.

Sasori didn't know what to do. What do you do when your giant partner is having a nightmare, apparently about you. Sasori did the one thing he could think of, he went next to Deidara's ear.

"Brat, it's okay. I'm won't hurt you." Sasori said in a comforting voice he didn't know he could use.

Deidara quieted and his face relaxed. Sasori backed up some, before sitting a little ways away. But about four minutes later the ground around Sasori grew wet. "Huh?" Sasori turned and saw drool, and lots of it. Deidara was drooling out of all three of his visible mouths.

"Disgusting brat." Sasori murmured before going closer to the edge of the desk. But as soon as he did that something flew into the room, which was easy because there was a whole wall missing, revealing the outside. It was a robin.

The bird studied Sasori. "Go on, get out of here!" Sasori said making shooing motions with his hands. But the bird hopped closer. Sasori eyed the bird, but ended up in its mouth.

"Hey!" Sasori shouted, hoping to wake Deidara up.

The bird flew out the nonexistent wall and into a tree right outside, setting Sasori in the nest.

Sasori tried to get out, but the bird packed him in the side of the nest.

"HEY I MAY BE MADE OUT OF WOOD BUT I AM NOT A STICK FOR YOU TO USE!" Sasori yelled, hoping to scare the bird off, but that didn't work.

Sasori tried to use his stomach cable to break out of the side of the nest, but the panel was jammed shut do to be stuck in the midst of trigs and sticks. "I guess I am just going to have wait and see if Deidara will help."

Deidara slept for another half hour until he woke up due to a bird. A bird had flown into the room and was trying to get a few strands of his hair.

"Hey stop that, un." Deidara said and shooed the bird out. It flew out of the room and into a tree and into its nest. "Stupid bird."

Deidara looked on the table. "Sasori-danna?" Deidara asked.

"HEY GET AWAY!" a voice called from outside. Deidara walked towards the edge and in the nest, he could see a tuft of red, and of black.

"Sasori?" Deidara called.

"BRAT! GET ME OUT OF HERE!" Sasori yelled.

"You are in the nest, un?" Deidara asked.

"YES!" Sasori yelled.

"I'll be right there, un." Deidara said, and left the base and found the tree.

Deidara started to climb the tree until he reached the nest. He saw Sasori pinned inside the nest.

"Need some help Sasori, un?" Deidara asked.

"Yeah, get me out of here." Sasori said.

"Hm, to help, or to not to help, un." Deidara said.

"BRAT!" Sasori yelled.

"I don't know if I should help you out there, un." Deidara said.

"Is this payback for hurting you?" Sasori asked.

"Maybe," Deidara said.

"Okay, I'm sorry Deidara. I really am. I felt horrible after I hurt you." Sasori said.

"Really, un?" Deidara asked.

"Yeah." Sasori said. The bird flew closer. "KEEP THAT EVIL BIRD AWAY!"

Deidara carefully got Sasori out of the nest and carried him down the tree and threw the base.

While they were walking, the tongue of the hand Sasori was standing in decided to lick him.

"Sorry, sometimes they don't listen to me, un." Deidara said. They reached the room. "Um, let's do this." He set Sasori on the table before using his clay to rebuild the wall. "No more birds or anything else, un."

"Just don't blow it up." Sasori said.

"Don't worry, I won't un." Deidara said.

There was a few moments of silence.

"Do you need anything Sasori-danna, un?" Deidara said.

"No not really." Sasori said.

"I guess you don't need much of anything being a puppet, un." Deidara said, but then smirked, "Except protection from birds, un."

"Hey that bird was an evil bird!" Sasori said.

"I understand, just messing with you danna, un." Deidara said.


	15. Blood Bath

Chapter 15: Blood Bath

Hidan was getting antsy. He hasn't sacrificed anyone to Jashin since before he was shrunk. He just needed to sacrifice someone.

Kakazu noticed the somewhat distressed look on Hidan's face. "What's wrong?"

"I can't freaken do this shit anymore! I need to sacrifice someone!" Hidan said.

"Calm down Hidan." Kakazu said, he knew when his partner got antsy he got about ten times more violent, and he did not want to get in the way of that, considering he was currently two inches tall.

"Don't freaken tell be to calm down Kakazu you little bastard!" Hidan yelled.

Hidan started to pace, and pull on his hair.

Suddenly Hidan grabbed his pike and started to stab himself repeatedly, his blood pouring everywhere, including on Kakazu.

After about three minutes of stabbing, and about half a gallon of lost blood Hidan stopped. If it weren't for the fact that he was immortal he probably would have died after a minute. But Hidan sat on the ground, in his own blood and started to shake.

Kakazu grew worried, even if he was immortal, loosing half his blood in that short amount of time couldn't be good. He got off the table, by walking down the leg, and walked over to Hidan, trekking carefully through the expanding blood swamp, still covered head to toe with the substance.

"Hidan?" Kakazu questioned.

"Sometimes I wonder, why I took that immortality oath." Hidan said.

Kakazu remained silent.

"I'm immortal so I can serve Jashin forever, but if I never die, I can never really see him." Hidan murmured.

"Hidan, lie down, I need to close your wounds before you lose too much blood." Kakazu said.

"Not that it matters." Hidan said but obliged. Kakazu started to sew up all the stab wounds Hidan inflicted on himself, getting even more covered in his partner's blood. Hidan laid still for a while longer, to give his body some time to replenish all the blood he lost.

"Damn I need a shower." Hidan said and got to his knees and laying his hand down so Kakazu could step in. "You seem to be in need of a wash too."

"I would think so after getting a blood bath courtesy of you." Kakazu said.

"Hey shut the freaken shit up Kakazu." Hidan said.

Hidan walked into the bathroom and turned on the shower, letting the water heat up. While it was heating, he filled the sink with water and set Kakazu next to it so he could get cleaned in there.

After both members of the Akatsuki had finished washing Hidan elected to sit on the toilet seat and Kakazu was on his knee.

"Something is bothering you." Kakazu said.

"It's nothing." Hidan said, uncharacteristically solemn.

"I am not buying that shit and neither are you." Kakazu said.

"Of course not you cheap ass." Hidan said, before sighing. "It is just hard to think that, soon enough, everyone I care for, even if they don't care back, will be gone, but I will live on, forever, and there is not a rat's ass something I can do about it."

"But that is why you are such a valuable member for the Akatsuki." Kakazu said. "When all of us are dead, you live on and can continue to teach our ways to others, re-make the Akatsuki."

"But alone." Hidan said. "I've always been alone, that's why I joined Jashin in the first place."

Kakazu was silent, was Hidan's rude and insulting manner just a mask for the pain he feels. It is also most likely the reason he likes inflicting pain on others so much.

"Hidan," Kakazu said. "You aren't alone. Not any longer. You have all of us in the Akatsuki. Even if we fight, we all watch out for each other. Just like a family."

"Just like a family," Hidan repeated.

"Now let's get something to eat." Kakazu suggested.

"Yeah I am freaken starving after that blood bath." Hidan said.

"I'd hate to be the person who has to clean it up." Kakazu said.


	16. Doctor

**VERY IMPORTANT! A/N: **I know the person who is the doctor does not really fit in the timeline right here since she doesn't show up until people are dead, but deal with it, it is for this chapter only.

Chapter 16: Doctor

"Hey let me go!" a shout was heard throughout the base.

"Who is that?" Sasori asked.

"I don't know un. It sounded like a girl but it sure as hell wasn't Konan." Deidara said.

Deidara left the room with Sasori in his hand, also standing the hall was Hidan with Kakazu, and out of their room came the strong scent of blood. Tobi ran out his room a moment later, Zetsu nowhere in sight. Kisame walked out of his room, without Itachi.

Deidara was wondering where Itachi was. Was he too sick with his mysterious disease?

"Oh, be quite, we will let you go after we are done with you." Pein said.

"Sasuke-kun will be wondering where I am and he will come for me." the apparent captured woman yelled. "And in fact he is looking for one of you guys to kill!"

"I'm aware, but one of our members is deathly ill, and you are the only one who can heal him." Pein said, his voice sounded louder so he was obviously coming closer.

Soon enough Pein came by towing a girl with red hair, red eyes and glasses. "Kisame, this is Karin, she will heal Itachi."

"You expect me to heal the traitorous brother of my dear Sasuke-kun?" Karin shouted.

"You will do so without complaint." Pein said. "If you make it worse of refuse we have several ways to kill you, one being extremely painful, considering he is itching to kill someone for his god."

Karin visibly shivered. "Okay, I'll help."

"He's in here." Kisame said and brought Karin into the room.

"What's wrong with the little bastard?" Hidan asked.

"Itachi has an IRD." Pein said. "He's been apparently dying for a long time but chose to only tell Kisame up till now."

"And this bitch is supposed to help?' Hidan asked.

"She is the best healer around that we could get without entering a major village." Pein said.

Kisame led Karin over to the bed where the two inch Itachi laid. "Why is he so small?" Karin asked.

"A messed up jutsu, just heal him." Kisame said.

Karin carefully observed Itachi, sensing his chakra. "Wait, this is Sasuke-kun's brother."

"Yes, now stop stalling and heal him!" Kisame said, getting slightly annoyed with her.

Karin did some more observing before using her chakra enough to wake Itachi up.

Itachi groaned. "What's going on?"

"This girl is here to heal you." Kisame explained.

"Bite me," Karin said holding out her arm for Itachi to bite. He gave her a questioning look before did as she asked. He felt slightly better, but still rather in pain. "He is in no danger of dying, but it would be wise to continue medication."

"Thank you." Kisame said, while Itachi laid back down to sleep some. Karin left the room to only be stopped by Pein.

"You will not remember anything." Pein said, Karin's eyes grew wide, before she passed out. Pein carried her out of the base and dropped her off in the middle of the woods, about halfway between where he grabbed her in the first place.

Deidara and Sasori went into Kisame and Itachi's room.

"How is he, un?" Deidara asked.

"He won't be in danger of dying, but he still has to have medication." Kisame said.

"That's good." Sasori said. "But real really need is Tobi to make us normal again."

Tobi ran into the room, "Speak of the devil and he will come." Kisame said.

"Tobi figured out how to fix Sasori-san, Itachi-san, Kakazu-san and Zetsu-san." Tobi said.

"Well what are we waiting for?" Kisame asked.

"Well, for Leader-sama to come back and for Itachi-san to wake up." Tobi said.

"Imbecile," Sasori mumbled.

Tobi ran out of the room, slightly scared, and also to check on Zetsu and Peanut. It took roughly an hour for Pein to get back to the base.

"Leader-sama!" Tobi yelled.

"What is it Tobi?" Pein sighed.

"Tobi can fix the others." Tobi said.

"You better not mess it up this time." Pein said. All the Akatsuki went into the kitchen, and Tobi preformed a jutsu.

"THANK JASHIN! HELL YELL EVERYONE IS BACK TO NORMAL!" Hidan yelled.

"You were normal a moment ago." Kakazu said.

"Yeah, but now I don't have to watch your sorry ass, I can go sacrifice someone now! See you dickheads later!" Hidan yelled and ran out of the base to go find someone to sacrifice.

"I should have left him in the vacuum." Kakazu said.

"What?" Pein asked.

"Did I say that out loud?" Kakazu asked.

Pein didn't say anything but had an expectant look on his face.

"When I was vacuuming about two weeks ago I accidently vacuumed him up." Kakazu said.

"And you elected not to tell anyone?" Pein asked.

"He got out, and everything was okay." Kakazu said.

Pein glared before he left the room.

"Well at least everything turned out okay." Sasori said, before he left the room to go fix his puppets.

"You're not the one that nearly got eaten by a leporidae." Zetsu said. **"I still say it's a rodent."** "We've been over this." he argued before leaving the room.

Deidara went up to Itachi, "Thanks for everything, un."

"No problem." Itachi said.

"Don't worry, we will figure something out, un." Deidara said left.

"You really think someone could help?" Itachi asked.

"I'm not sure." Kisame said, and the two of them left.

"Where did everyone go? Tobi has another jutsu." Tobi said, sadly before leaving.

"Man, everyone has just ignored me this entire time." Konan said, before turning into paper and leaving the room.

THE END

A/N: Thanks for all my wonderful readers who have been with me since the beginning of this story. A sequal will be started soon, and in case you guys will want to know, I will post a note on here when the first chapter is up with details.


	17. Note

hey guys, the first chapter of the sequel is up. it is called "Child Criminals." you can either find it via my authors page or look it up. if you need more help finding it here is the summery for it

A sequel to my other story "Tiny Criminals" due to another messed up jutsu courtesy of Tobi half the Akatsuki are de-aged to the age and mind of small children. So of course their remaining partners have to take care of them. Which babysitter will crack first, and what kind of havoc will be dished out. Read and find out


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